ragingstucky:

Mostly because I think Bucky may have the big problems like getting brainwashed and forced to be a weapon, Natashas struggles aren’t advertised as his. Hers were briefly touched in Aou but unfortunately that went down the drain when she did the whole ‘I can’t get pregnant so I’m a monster’ thing. People don’t like that.
I wonder whyyyy. *looks at Whedon*
Bucky has a longer road ahead of him, while Natasha silently suffers through hers. That’s what she grew up with, stay quiet or be the next one killed in the Red Room.
Could you just imagine though?
Young Natasha waking up every morning, like she has since she was a child to unlock herself from handcuff, or else she might get picked by her matron to fight the older girls. Certain death, unless the Matron finds mercy, but it was the red room. Soviets don’t need mercy.
Young Natasha watching Snow White, chanting the words in English with the same exact tone as the other girls, but the only thing lacking was her energy. Practicing batting her eyes and making them look bigger as for another effect.
Young Natasha finally being chosen out of the other girls to be used in the highly selected experiment. There she found herself strapped to a table, with three plans formulating in her head on how to escape and kill the scientists, but she stayed limp on the table as they shot ice into her veins.
Young Natasha watching, waiting, but carefully blank faced about anything. She watched a young girl in braids kick her enemy until they stopped moving and pull out a knife from where it was hidden. She watched as the mat under their feet grew red again, and the moans were cut off into gurgles of blood and then silence as the Matron assessed the winner.
Young Natasha see a man walk through the girls, who were carefully aware of his presence and selecting her for that’s nights entertainment with the other boys.
Young Natasha getting raped and letting them because this was how it was suppose to be. This was how she would learn her missions. For the Soviet Union, she will do this.
Young Natasha becoming adept with any weapon, gun or no, to finish off her apponent. It was hard to strangle a larger girl than her, but she did it and watched their eyes slowly fade until they saw nothing.
Young Natasha watching as Yasha walked into the training room for the first time and realising that this man was deadly. He could kill you. He could do anything to you and he wouldn’t care.
Young Natasha failing for the first time and almost dying, then vowing to never let it happen.
Young Natasha finally knowing the words fear and vulnerable when she fights Yasha and failing to land a hit. He had his metal hand around her neck and was slowly squeezing her breath out of her body as he looked down at nothing.
Young Natasha forced to sit in the air, her knees perfectly bent like she was sitting on something with nothing behind her back. It was a bloody mess when they had slapped a whip against her back for stealing bread from the kitchens.
Young Natasha learning how it was better to starve than to risk being hurt and the other girls knew where to hit hard and fast during fights.
Young Natasha on her first mission to kill a play boy who didn’t abide with the Soviet rules. He gave her a flower. She gave him a knife, sliding easily between his ribs.
Young Natasha who finally fakes her way through the praise and cracking harsh words of the Red Room, the only thing she has ever known or cared about.
Young Natasha falling in love with Yasha, and then seeing him scream and jerk in the restraints of the chair that ran volts of electricity through his head. She wasn’t allowed to blink, or she’d be where he was.
Young Natasha finally realising what it meant to be free, even for a little while before the assassin’s came for her.
Young Natasha taking the chance, and running away from everything she ever knew.
And then;
Older Natasha, dreaming of snippets of what has and what could of happened, waking up in the dead of night and slipping out of bed to stare at her hands. So perfectly covered in red and screams, in begging and wailing, in glassy eyes and the sound of blood dripping from he finger tips. She watched them, recalling the world she once knew until the sun rose. She would get up and get dressed, pretending nothing happened.
Older Natasha finding herself with a glass of wine slipped at her feet, and she only could remember the blood pooling from a child she had shot.
Older Natasha putting up a facade so nobody saw herself but the confident person she wanted to be.
Older Natasha finding a place to hide and let the tears fall out for being helpless of the nightmares, and then getting angry at herself for making herself look weak even though nobody saw.
Older Natasha finally having a panic attack with the rest of the Avengers in the room, but nobody saw because she didn’t move or blink or scream. No sign was given of the nature of her thoughts, and by the time she had made her way to her rooms she finally let her hand shake and clutch at her shirt, pulling it tighter around herself.
Older Natasha stopping herself from flinching when Tony puts a hand on her should and lean over, and then leaving because she felt bile rise up in her throat.
Older Natasha finally letting Clint in and letting herself, just this once, lower her guards enough to bury her face into the crook of his t shirt and just letting him hold her until she felt better. (She didn’t hold him the time that she needed, and ended up lying to Clint as she calmly walked away to hide someplace and mentally break down.)
Older Natasha finally letting her emotions explode from carefully crafted bottles and putting the energy to ballet, feeling better even though it was a lie of the red room.
OLDER NATASHA FEELING WEAK AND VULNERABLE AS ANY OTHER GIRL AND WALKING HERSELF TO THE NEAREST ICE CREAM SHOP AND ORDERING THE LARGEST OF THEIR MOST DARKEST CHOCOLATE.
Older Natasha walking into the room and Bucky finally reconizes her and she breaks down, just a little for him to see that the girl inside never truly got out of the nightmare that was so carefully crafted like a spiders web.
And that, is my theory of the Black Widow.