x kit is not working no matter what I do and I can’t really use tumblr without it so I guess I’ve missed a lot, but THIS GIF THIS FUCKING GIF DESTROYED MY LIFE
so here have my headcanon about what the fuck is happening there
01. longing: first word. trigger of the process. he screams, not from pain, but horror because he is still aware of what’s happening to him and knows what comes next.
02. rusted: sense of hopelessness kicks in. realization that he cannot escape the chains, knowing he will turn into a puppet, a monster.
03. seventeen:
tries to breathe, to stay focused, calm, to slow down the process, but knows it’s inevitable.
04. daybreak: first painful trigger. word that can be connected to the torture he is enduring or painful memory from the long lost past. tries with everything he has to hold onto his soul.
05. furnace:
the winter soldier is trying to come to the surface, we see last real struggle of bucky barnes to stay himself.
06. nine: takes five words to delete bucky barnes from existence, but the process is not over just yet. pain is gone, and so are memories, heart, soul of someone who was not so long ago kind and loyal. the winter soldier hasn’t shown his face yet, this is in between phase, where shell of a human being is full of rage. wrath is first emotion that leads to the winter soldier.
07. benign: slowly becomes blank piece of paper that is ready for the last words before turning into a weapon. doesn’t struggle any longer, hands are not trying to break free, he is where he belongs.
08. homecoming: body is giving its all not to become the other, more vindictive, vicious, dangerous person. there is no bucky, just one last piece of conscious human mind trying not to give into torture. first sighting of the winter soldier. ultimate trigger that pushes him to the surface.
09. one: next to last stage. no conscious mind left. shaking and trembling have stopped. breathing slows down. machine is born.
10. freight car: words attached to his death, symbolize death of a human being, friend, brother, loved one, and birth of the weapon. every emotion, memory, sense of being self aware is buried deep down and it will take a long time before any of those resurface again. breathes in new air. eyes become dead. the winter soldier is ready for orders.
Wouldn’t it be so messed up if they burned or threw away Bucky’s journals in front of him. To be tortured and wiped clean of your memories and finally be free, to remember, only to have the people who are suppose to be helping you rip the memories from you as well…no wonder he’s pissed in the government faculty..i wouldnt blame him.
okay but listen up these two geriatric dinosaurs are going to be the end of me.
after tony finds out that the winter soldier murdered his parents and flies off the handle (understandably), steve and bucky fight him as if they’ve been doing it their whole lives. and yes, in a way they have since they were kids but james buchanan barnes of the howling commandos was a sniper and unless you count steve standing with his fists up while bucky punches the lights out of whoever is trying to punch the lights out of steve, i don’t think they’ve ever fought together in close combat.
and they do it in perfect harmony, synchronized better than a bolshoi ballet academy teacher’s wet dream. 70 years later, post brainwashing, post deep freeze, post everything they’ve been through; it’s ingrained in their very damn beings because they always have and always will know each other better than they know their own goddamn selves.
and don’t even get me started about the “i could do this all day” line. immediately all i see is scrawny, stupidly brave steve armed with nothing but the fierce determination in his eyes, barely able to move, still trying to stand up against bullies and needing bucky to come rescue him. well, fast forward 70 years and he’s admittedly much less scrawny, but just as stupidly brave (probably even more so) and this time he’s fighting for bucky. we know that tony is fighting to kill, and just like in the helicopter scene where steve basically seems to bypass the upper limits of human function, he gets up time after time and performs feats that should not be possible, super soldier serum or not, in the hopes that it can somehow make up for that time he couldn’t reach far enough from that train and let his best friend fall.
but wait, tony gets the upper hand and who saves steve again? metal arm soldered off by an unforgiving repulsor beam, basically going into shock from the pain and on the ground, james buchanan barnes still manages to save steve rogers’ sorry ass.
and later when tony says steve doesn’t deserve the shield? well fuck that, steve’s never wanted or needed the shield; all he’s ever wanted was to do what’s right, consequences be damned, so he just drops it without a second thought. the look on his face is so weary, guys, steve has been fighting in a war for 70 years and he’s never been able to escape the horrors of it but maybe now that he has bucky back he’s got a fighting chance.
and the line that tony says in a trailer about how “the whole world was wrong about [steve],” well technically they all are because steve’s not perfect, and people seem to expect cap to be, so i’m in love with zemo’s creepy, unnerving comment about the hint of green in steve’s blue eyes and how it’s nice to see a “flaw in captain america”. the funny thing is steve is full of flaws; sure he’s a super soldier but he’s human, and a damn good one, but it irks me when people constantly put him on a pedestal. even initially in the first avengers, the way tony tries to hit steve the hardest in verbal sparring is by saying he doesn’t live up to the stories howard stark used to regale him with and that he’s nothing without the serum.
and after all of this? he writes tony stank stark a goddamn handwritten letter apologizing (although the abridged version of the letter basically goes “i got bucky back so fuck everything else”). his line about not liking the idea of tony rattling around a mansion on his own and how tony needs the avengers (family) even moreso than steve hurts so much because what’s unspoken here is BUCKY IS HIS FAMILY. he’s been “on his own since he was 18″ with nobody but bucky, so say what you will about steve being adaptable and 100% capable of living in the modern world but the fact still stands that he does not belong here; he isn’t supposed to be here. his time was supposed to be the 20th century with bucky and peggy and he lost all of it.
oh and the best part about it all? steve only really became “Captain America” because his headstrong stubborn ass needed to go get bucky back. and as chris evans said on GMA, a lot of what makes steve steve and therefore what makes captain america so goodis connected back to bucky. so when he drops the shield for bucky? it means a lot. captain america is a persona that steve rogers has to shoulder, almost like a burden since he never asked for any of it. and i’m not even gonna touch with a damn ten foot pole the colossal burden that bucky is trying to live with after his years as the winter soldier. i just wish the russos would have shown the scene with tony lying on the ground in siberia with not only cap’s discarded shield but bucky’s metal arm as well because it would mean that our two brooklyn heroes who have gone through hell and back are finally able to leave some of their burden behind.
so yeah sure, in summary, steve’s utterly compromised and now technically a wanted criminal and whatever but you know what i think? i think it’s about damn time steven grant rogers and james buchanan barnes found their way back to each other again.
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